Storytelling 101

Turtle

Administrator
Staff member
Retired Expediter
".....The chef got broadsided by a barn owl and his van was thrown to the side of the road where he killed the cat."

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"The kittens now have that crazy scientist Dr. Harriet Gray-Malkin working with them and...."

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"...she's working on everything from catnip glue that makes those who sniff it become cat-atonic zombies to do the kitten's bidding..."

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"... to masterful disguises to help them infiltrate Hollywood itself!"

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"The world in now a more dangerous place, and it may be up to us to stop those kitties."
 

Turtle

Administrator
Staff member
Retired Expediter
Highway Star replies, "I'm eating breakfast. Can you call me back in an hour?"

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highway star

Veteran Expediter
Owner/Operator
(Have you ever blown coffee through your nose from laughing? Kinda burns...)

Highway Star continues the conversation with his agent...

"...And, this accident effects me how? You need to get Burton on the phone and get me a very graphic bedroom scene with Connelly. And I won't be on the set when Crispin is because, well, c'mon, does it get any creepier?

"And you're supposed to be getting all those pictures I did before I was a big star off the internet!! My mother was an abusive stage mom that exploited me for all I was worth and now every pervert on the net is having a field day with it! What the %#*% am I paying you for?!?"

He grabs his Jack and mumbles something about the world being full of "incompetent boobs."
 

DougTravels

Not a Member
I do believe this story is over, so thanks to all that participated!!
To those that mocked and were mocked, hope all had fun with it! I still can't believe, with my early threads on here and my "90 days off" nobody used all that ammo on me.


Book 2:

The other day I arrived at a shipper for a very hot load. When they brought the freight to the dock, I couldn't believe my eyes.......

(it can die right here or)
 

inkasnana

Expert Expediter
Tonight, on Entertainment Whenever, we look into the problems that have plagued the production company, cast and crew of the movie "The Curse of the Two-Headed Black Cat".

The award nominated movie fell upon hard times when it was discovered by DOT officials that none of the crew had logged any time in their log books and were, therefore, all in violation of DOT drive-time regulation and the 14 hour rule. Tickets have been issued to each cast member and some have filed appeals in federal court. Others have quietly paid their fines and disappeared from the public eye, leaving behind speculation that the fines were indeed warranted and the appeals are just a waste of the courts time and taxpayer money. Those who have filed the appeals vehemently deny any wrong-doing and have claimed that those who paid the fines were bullied in to doing so by DOT officials posing as Federal Agents. Calls to DOT officials have gone unanswered and no further information is available at this time.

There was further drama when the animal rights group PETA filed a suit against the production company on behalf of the barn owl used in the movie, claiming the owl was forced to work in unsatisfactory conditions, without a proper trailer to rest in and without union representation. That case is still pending and no further details are available.

Adding to the problems of the troubled movie are the investors who have lost their entire investment due to the movie being pulled from box-office circulation until all court cases against it have been completed. The investors have formed a coalition called Investors Against Two-Headed Black Cats, and are seeking damages against the production company, cast and crew to try and recover their money. We will have more on that story as information unfolds.

Entertainment Whenever has also recently learned that the writers of The Curse of the Two-Headed Black Cat have begun working on a sequel to the movie in spite of all the problems the first movie has encountered. We have been unable to verify if any of the original cast will be a part of the second movie, or even if it can legally be written at this time due to all of the court cases against those involved with the first movie. It's unsure where the money to shoot the second movie will come from and some have speculated about a secret benefactor who will be backing the movie on his/her own.

Only time will tell how this will all end and we will keep you updated as new information becomes available. That's it for our show tonight. Stay tuned for the new hit comedy, 4 In a Straight Truck, right here on Fox. Goodnight everyone!
 
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highway star

Veteran Expediter
Owner/Operator
We have breaking news from Entertainment Whenever...

Dougtravels, apparently despondent from a lack of interest in his new project, is on the 8 Mile Rd. bridge over I75 throwing empty beer cans on the passing traffic below. Witnesses are having trouble getting close to him, but say that he seems frustrated about "worthless bean counters" and "back stabbers."

We have a crew headed to the scene and will stay on top of this breaking news story.
 

DougTravels

Not a Member
Get your facts straight Highway!

It is the footbridge over I-75 closer to 9 mile. I'm afraid the 8 mile bridge was already being used by..........


Haha just kidding
 

letzrockexpress

Veteran Expediter
The ASPCA. Those ankle biters are intent upon busting somebody for exploiting the barn owl, long an endangered species. These scoundrels will stop at nothing. As a matter of fact, just yesterday they..
 

Turtle

Administrator
Staff member
Retired Expediter
...attacked and bludgeoned an expediter for resurrecting a 19-month old thread that contained pictures of abused cats.
 

cheri1122

Veteran Expediter
Driver
hired bums to get signatures on petitions that appeared to appeal to Doug to come down peacefully, but actually were cleverly disguised demands on behalf of the owls.
When confronted with the dirty trick played on the citizens, the Detroit Police Chief said
 

cheri1122

Veteran Expediter
Driver
...attacked and bludgeoned an expediter for resurrecting a 19-month old thread that contained pictures of abused cats.

Sigh - it's just not fun, without Doug. At least in his actual persona, as he can't very well do one of these stories under an alias, and I, for one, miss them!:(
 

layoutshooter

Veteran Expediter
Retired Expediter
hired bums to get signatures on petitions that appeared to appeal to Doug to come down peacefully, but actually were cleverly disguised demands on behalf of the owls.
When confronted with the dirty trick played on the citizens, the Detroit Police Chief said

WHAT? What did Detroit police chief say? What dose Doug have to do with it? Who cares what the ASPCA has to say? They are just another "WACKO" bunch. Why is a REALLY old post have to do with anything?
 

ConfusedMuse

Veteran Expediter
Retired Expediter
Detroit police Chief?????...not a chance it was the owls in the jaiilhouse where Kwame Kilpatrick now hangs his hat that told the tale. The tale that started this twisted tale of the lies amd deciet was in the midst of a jailbreak when he flew across the road, and was ...
 

letzrockexpress

Veteran Expediter
Detroit police Chief?????...not a chance it was the owls in the jaiilhouse where Kwame Kilpatrick now hangs his hat that told the tale. The tale that started this twisted tale of the lies amd deciet was in the midst of a jailbreak when he flew across the road, and was ...

snatched right out of mid air by the CAT! Who knew? He was only playing possum! The angry feline bolted across the northbound lanes of I-75, owl in tow, when he over compensated for the center barrier by leaping nearly 8 feet into the air, realizing all too late that....
 

highway star

Veteran Expediter
Owner/Operator
...Mayor Bing used to play some basketball. He musters up a vertical leap that makes him look far younger than he is and grabs the cat, dribbling him safely to the side of the road. The Fox News crew arrives and Megan Kelley (hubba, hubba) asks Bing for a comment. He says...
 

layoutshooter

Veteran Expediter
Retired Expediter
...Mayor Bing used to play some basketball. He musters up a vertical leap that makes him look far younger than he is and grabs the cat, dribbling him safely to the side of the road. The Fox News crew arrives and Megan Kelley (hubba, hubba) asks Bing for a comment. He says...

I be dribblin since I was a little baby, my bassett ball is like a bassett to me..................
 

layoutshooter

Veteran Expediter
Retired Expediter
...Mayor Bing used to play some basketball. He musters up a vertical leap that makes him look far younger than he is and grabs the cat, dribbling him safely to the side of the road. The Fox News crew arrives and Megan Kelley (hubba, hubba) asks Bing for a comment. He says...

I be dribblin since I was a little baby, my bassett ball is like a bassett to me..................
 

letzrockexpress

Veteran Expediter
I be dribblin since I was a little baby, my bassett ball is like a bassett to me..................

You're a Cheech y Chong fan? I'm stunned! anyway, Bassetball Jones becomes embroiled in a tug of war with Mayor Bing over the cat (still chomped down on the owl... remember the owl?) Anyway, it turns out cats don't fare well when being pulled in two different directions, in fact they aren't as sturdy as you might think. Mayor Bing gives a hard tug and finds himself holding a pair of hind haunches! The Mayor looks across to Bassetball Jones in the next lane and says...
 
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aquitted

Veteran Expediter
Retired Expediter
Dang it Jones looks like we need another cat so they head to the alley and all of a sudden...
 
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