ftp000
Expert Expediter
I am kind of a hobby writter, this little piece I wrote recently after a couple of especially agravating days on the road. Maybe somebody will get a chuckle from it, I'm sure most of you have felt this way.
As a professional driver I have noticed that some people are complete and total idiots when it comes to highway driving. I recently came to the startling realization that these same people have probably changed my views on gun control. Whereas I once believed that it should be every law abiding citizens right to carry a concealed pistol, I now realize that if I had one I might very well some day head shoot a mother of three in front of her crying babies , and in that moment feel completely justified. I am sure most people who spend limited time on the highway have no idea how crazy they make us professional types, but when a nice guy like me starts smiling while imagining soccer moms in horrific, no help for them, bring on the meat wagon, anybody seen a head around here, a semi ran over a mini van type accidents, its time for me to vent a little.
The first thing that comes to mind comes with a built in solution, if you have cruise control, for the love of God, use it! You jacktards who foot it are pretty much to blame for all that's wrong in the world, and when it all goes down and I start lopping off confused looking heads, I'm starting with you. I'm driving along at a steady speed, using my cruise control, I'm catching up to the car in front of me, I move over to the left to pass and they speed up. I move back to the right and start catching you again, I'm looking at you Indiana. This whole time I have not changed speed and this game goes on and on until I finally just floor it and blow by them and create a little separation. This usually solves the problem, but puts me at risk of a ticket all because somebody wants to race. I get paid to drive, 3 tickets and I can't drive anymore. The way I see it you are risking my livelihood and the livelihood of my family and I should be permitted to kill you.
The left lane is for passing. I shouldn't have to say another word. Pass, then get back over until you need to pass again, consider it a personal failure on your part anytime somebody manages to pass you on the right, I suggest you get one of those flogging things the albino in the Da Vinci Code had, use it on yourself as a gentle reminder to stay out of the fast lane unless you are passing.
The entrance ramp to the highway is also known as an acceleration lane, it is there for you to get up to highway speed before blending into the flow of traffic. It is not there for you to creep down at 30 miles per hour while looking over your shoulder and forcing your way in, thus forcing everybody else to slam on their brakes , then quickly accelerate like you should have in the first place. My drivers education teacher was adamant about this and would scream loudly and fearfully at us while we practiced this maneuver, and he was a shop teacher, everybody knows they are expert driving instructors.
I, as much as anyone else, love my cell phone. We go on the road for weeks at a time and it is our link to home, and to our next load, we gotta have it. And just like some people can have coffee in the car without burning their hoo hoo's , some people can drive and hold a phone and some people cannot, its that simple. Some people answer the phone and just plain forget that they are driving, they are so obvious to us now that its not even fun predicting it from way back. I won't go on and on about this one, I will just ask this, why would so many people come this far with technology and then stop? Why not keep going stupid, get yourself a hands free or a Bluetooth, before you kill us all.
I know its been a long and windy rant, but for over three hundred thousand miles, in just over two years, I've fought the urge to put on a clown suit and take a sniper riffle up on an overpass and do Gods work. Now that this is out of my system , maybe the next guy that cuts me of will just be left alone, unharmed, and I'll just take a deep cleansing breath. Or maybe I'll put two in the back of his head. Who can predict these things?
As a professional driver I have noticed that some people are complete and total idiots when it comes to highway driving. I recently came to the startling realization that these same people have probably changed my views on gun control. Whereas I once believed that it should be every law abiding citizens right to carry a concealed pistol, I now realize that if I had one I might very well some day head shoot a mother of three in front of her crying babies , and in that moment feel completely justified. I am sure most people who spend limited time on the highway have no idea how crazy they make us professional types, but when a nice guy like me starts smiling while imagining soccer moms in horrific, no help for them, bring on the meat wagon, anybody seen a head around here, a semi ran over a mini van type accidents, its time for me to vent a little.
The first thing that comes to mind comes with a built in solution, if you have cruise control, for the love of God, use it! You jacktards who foot it are pretty much to blame for all that's wrong in the world, and when it all goes down and I start lopping off confused looking heads, I'm starting with you. I'm driving along at a steady speed, using my cruise control, I'm catching up to the car in front of me, I move over to the left to pass and they speed up. I move back to the right and start catching you again, I'm looking at you Indiana. This whole time I have not changed speed and this game goes on and on until I finally just floor it and blow by them and create a little separation. This usually solves the problem, but puts me at risk of a ticket all because somebody wants to race. I get paid to drive, 3 tickets and I can't drive anymore. The way I see it you are risking my livelihood and the livelihood of my family and I should be permitted to kill you.
The left lane is for passing. I shouldn't have to say another word. Pass, then get back over until you need to pass again, consider it a personal failure on your part anytime somebody manages to pass you on the right, I suggest you get one of those flogging things the albino in the Da Vinci Code had, use it on yourself as a gentle reminder to stay out of the fast lane unless you are passing.
The entrance ramp to the highway is also known as an acceleration lane, it is there for you to get up to highway speed before blending into the flow of traffic. It is not there for you to creep down at 30 miles per hour while looking over your shoulder and forcing your way in, thus forcing everybody else to slam on their brakes , then quickly accelerate like you should have in the first place. My drivers education teacher was adamant about this and would scream loudly and fearfully at us while we practiced this maneuver, and he was a shop teacher, everybody knows they are expert driving instructors.
I, as much as anyone else, love my cell phone. We go on the road for weeks at a time and it is our link to home, and to our next load, we gotta have it. And just like some people can have coffee in the car without burning their hoo hoo's , some people can drive and hold a phone and some people cannot, its that simple. Some people answer the phone and just plain forget that they are driving, they are so obvious to us now that its not even fun predicting it from way back. I won't go on and on about this one, I will just ask this, why would so many people come this far with technology and then stop? Why not keep going stupid, get yourself a hands free or a Bluetooth, before you kill us all.
I know its been a long and windy rant, but for over three hundred thousand miles, in just over two years, I've fought the urge to put on a clown suit and take a sniper riffle up on an overpass and do Gods work. Now that this is out of my system , maybe the next guy that cuts me of will just be left alone, unharmed, and I'll just take a deep cleansing breath. Or maybe I'll put two in the back of his head. Who can predict these things?
