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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." 9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their...

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the...

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I've been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my...

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Valerie," the man replied. "Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone...

# Life # Both presidents had 7 letters in their last name. # Both were over 6' feet tall. # Both men studied law. # Both seemed to have lazy eye muscles, which would sometimes cause one to deviate. # Both suffered from genetic diseases. It is suspected that Lincoln had Marfan's disease, and...

A unique list of actual homicides that happened during the 90s. 20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, was killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged period of "fun" she snapped, pushing all 20...

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the...

A very successful personal injury attorney parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off his driver's door. Fortunately, an officer in a police car...

Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day. Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day. Jose says, "Look at your...

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back...

A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love...

Inside.

So, this guy walks up to the clerk and says, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But, let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was...

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why...

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station. He notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the Middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog...

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes...

I posted this question on THE LOADING DOCK, AND received no answers, so I started searchng around, and I found the link on the story that was sent to me. Take a look. If it´s true, it´s an amazing breakthrough. I used to watch the said TV station when on the road, and thought their news was...

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael...

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old...

"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow." "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?" "It was a place called 'at home,'" I...