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You know you live on the Gulf Coast when . . . *You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer. *You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer. *Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti Os. *You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your...

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point...

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A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. > "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a...

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts...

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway...

Gas prices are out of control.

Watching the news on TV for the last couple of weeks, again pointed up the p*ss poor biased media coverage, as they strive more to be an "entertainment" outlet and stay politcally correct, than they care about getting to the truth. I learned that: 1. The hurricane only hit black family's...

I´ve been reading about the new HOS rules, and kind of lurking, as the comments and articles pile up. It´s only a few days now, until the rules go into effect, so I thought I´d throw my two cents in. I don´t think there will be much change in anything, except maybe a long awaited rate hike on...

True Doctor Stories A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong...

Here's a story from someone who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in Washington DC There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was...

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WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS? "Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001? Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear...

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave...

Enjoy your English while you can.....The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English...

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN , GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH? My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in...

Turn up your speakers for this one.