DougTravels is Bored Storytelling Episode II

[inkasnana]

..they can actually use it to build a bridge? No way. Even Mexican's aren't that stupid. But then again.."

With curiosity the girls catch up with the convoy as it's leaving the candy plant and follow it, being careful to avoid the constant stream of smoke billowing out the back of the trailers. Progress towards the border was slow as the convoy kept stopping at every 7-11 they could find along the way to purchase Big Gulps and bags of Nacho flavored Dorritos. Just as they were getting close to the border, mypie, who was driving, noticed red and blue flashing lights in her mirror. "Oh great," she thought, "Now what?"

She pulled the truck to the side of the road and waited...

 

[DougTravels]

the car pulled up behind them. Thinking fast, Mypie grabbed her lingerie from the sleeper bunk and quickly..........

 

[inkasnana]

Cheri storms onto the set, with 2 men in suits following her, yelling "CUT! STOP FILMING!" Not really caring what the problem is but anxious for a pee break, everyone rushes towards the line of porta-potties while Cheri and the director have words.

Cheri tells the director, "These gentlemen are from Nancy Pelosi's office and they are concerned about the negative and stereotypical way the Mexican's are being portrayed in your film. According to Ms. Pelosi you are being "Un-American" by writing them as pot smoking idiots who think they can build a bridge out of candy. If you don't rewrite the script, the production company will be subject to a civil rights lawsuit and the film will be shut down. Also, the ACLU demands that the very patriotic Mexicans be given their own quonset hut and a 4 hour break after lunch so they can take their afternoon naps, and they want health benefits."

"REWRITE," Cheri yelled as she turned and left the set.

 

[cheri1122]

Cheri returns after escorting the suits out, takes the director aside and says "Look, I don't give a rat's patootie for how you portray the Mexicans, but we're going to have to ask for a bailout before this epic is anywhere near finished, so let's try to pacify the crazies in DC, ok? See if you can cast Cheech & Chong, that'll keep the critics quiet. Now - where were we?"

 

[wellarmed]

Suddenly Cheri gets a phone call:dude,did I read this right, you want me in your film?It's Tommy Chong Cheri exclaims!Mr.Chong we would love to have you in our film.No dude this is Tommy Chong my dad doesn't do movies,besides dads not home man! When can you be on a plane cheri asks. Duude, there not gonna let me fly on a plane they always make me come inside with everyone else man. But I'll try it dude. cheri finaly gets him to understand what she means and Tommy is supposed to be on his way "but" when he reaches airport security.......

 

[mypie]

the drug sniffing dogs detect something in his luggage and he is handcuffed and halled off to jail.

. . . meanwhile, Mypie emerges from the sleeper in her finest lingerie and in one hand holding a tube of KY Jelly (since apparently she is the only one who knows how to use this magic potion that was given to Doug by the witch). The officer say, "you want to step out of the truck?"

"Sure thing officer" she says and the officer says "what are you trying to do, bribe an officer?" Then Mypie uncaps the KY Jelly slips into his pants and squeezes, emptying the tube. Suddenly, this officer turns into a blithering idiot, drops to his knees and sends Mypie on her way.

When she returns to the truck she says, "look girls that nice officer gave me 2 tickets on a cruise to Belize! I'll let you all handle the rest of this battle. If you're still here in 2 weeks I'll help you out. I will be taking my puter, so I'll check in from time-to-time. Bye yall!"



(KY Jelly has nothing to do with Kentucky and it would be wasted on a slice of bread.)

 

[highway star]

...they ask him to empty his pockets. "Ahhh, you want me to, like, take everything out of my pockets?" "Yes, Mr. Chong." "But that would be, like, invading my personal space, man! I have rights!" "Sorry Mr. Chong, but if you want to get on the plane you'll have to comply." "Ahhh, I gotta go to the head, man. I'll be right back." Tommy goes to the bathroom and, not being able to bring himself to flush his ample stash, eats it.

Meanwhile, Cheri finally gets in touch with Cheech Marin. She tells him about the project and that she already has Tommy Chong on board. Having heard about their recent reunion tour, she thought he'd jump at the chance to work with him. "Are you kiddin' me?", Marin screams. "That guy's so toasted he can hardly get out of bed. A big star like me shouldn't have to put up with that. I've worked with Kevin Costner! I've worked with Don Johnson! I'm a big star!!

This sent a shiver down Cheri's spine, remembering what it was like the last time she worked with a diva like that.

Back at the airport...

 

[highway star]

Cut! Cut! Obviously some bonehead in editing screwed up. If we switch the previous 2 story entries, we can maintain continuity.

Annndddd... Action!

 

[inkasnana]

Jeasously waving goodbye to mypie and wishing her well on her cruise, Cheri and Inkasnana reluctantly turn the truck around and head back to the parking lot where the guys are fighting over whose turn it is to ride the big wheel. The Mexicans had vanished out of sight across the border into Canada, along with enough Bridge Mix candy to choke a mule and two trailers full of empty big gulp cups, empty Dorrito bags and a load of steel.

Seeing Cheri and Inkasnana pull into the parking lot, highway star said..

*Disclaimer to PETA: No mules were tested in the writing of this script to figure out how much candy it would take to choke one.

 

[wellarmed]

CUT,CUUT,CUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!Did she say a slice of bread or a nice soft bed? Any way we need to discuss the rating of this movie. Did she say she had two tickets? And I'll bet there's a little bit left in that tube,I'm willing to play dumb,or doctor or policeman or well you get the pointBoy, I hope the wife doesn't read this part.LOL

 

[inkasnana]

*sigh* No wellarmed, she said "slice of bread". SLICE OF BREAD! Get your mind out of bed and back in your head!

 

[highway star]

"...My agent tells me you desperately need me in an acting role in this project. So far, I've been happy submitting my script contributions from the resort in the Virgin Islands that I booked for myself and my entourage. If you've all realized how to treat a truly big star, then I think we can do great things here."

Inkasana puts her arm around Cheri and says, "I think we just made a big mistake."

 

[wellarmed]

The director steps in:I think as long as the choking of the mules takes place in canada we're alright,somebody told me they consume horse meat over there. ROLL IT!! COOL DUDE!! NO I MEAN THE FILM TOMMY......Oh, and highway we have a big part coming up for you but we seen you coming from Tommys trailer earlyer so we're just waiting for you to get you witts back.

 

[cheri1122]

Cheri says "Inky, you're absolutely right - we just let a whole truckload of chocolate get away! We could be thrown out of the sisterhood for such a screwup, and even if they let us stay, we'll never live it down - those EOers NEVER forget a screwup, ya know? We need some serious help - time to put in a call to"

 

[inkasnana]

Yesteryear! She has connections to the upper leaders of the sisterhood and if anyone can make this whole chocolate mess go away she can!

Meanwhile, putting her hands to her temples to massage a building headache Cheri said, "First Cheech and now highway star, is there no end to the male ego? CUT EVERYONE, TAKE FIVE. We've got some negotiating to do. I'll be in my office on the phone with the producers."

Inkasnana handed Cheri a couple Tylenol and a glass of water and then went to watch the guys who were still fighting over the big wheel. Doug was complaining that it was HIS, and well armed was yelling that he hadn't had a turn yet. Guido was dive bombing the big wheel with his remote controlled helicopter and making explosion noses, which was really annoying Doug. Layoutshooter was crawling around on the ground and firing paint-balls at everyone and Cruzer was busy building a modified lawnmower engine to mount to the back of the big wheel.

Inkasnana just shook her head and sat down to read the latest issue of Entertainment Whenever while she waited for the meeting with the producers to end.

 

[wellarmed]

The easter bunny?

 

[highway star]

Highway Star's agent gets out of a limo. "Where's the producers meeting? Has anyone seen Star?" "Yeah", says Wellarmed, "he's over at the BBQ truck with Chong. Be careful you don't get nailed with the rib bones flying around."

"Star! Baby! Great to see you!" He knows he needs to stroke Stars massive ego. "I'm gonna pound out a great deal for you in there. These rubes can't finish this without you in front of the camera".

Highway Star stops eating and slowly pushes his plate away. He stands up and pushes his agent into the massive pile of rib bones. "How dare you! Can't you see I'm eating? I've told you not to bother me while I'm eating! You're fired!!" The crew stands there speechless as this flies in the face of conventional wisdom, that people who've spent time with Tommy Chong would normally be rather mellow.

Star sits back down and asks Chong who represents him. "Well", says Chong, "the last couple of years Seth Rogan seems to be doing a good job with the counter culture". "No, I mean with your deals". "Oh, nobody talks to my dealer but me, man".

Highway Star sighs and stands up and yells, "does anyone know how to communicate with this burnout?!!?"

Meanwhile, at the meeting...

 

[DougTravels]

A deal to bring in High Way Star has been reached. His demands for cash, a 40 foot airstream trailer, a 50 pound bag of kibble with the bits removed by hand, and a love scene with the pilot girls agreed upon. The director gets everyone together on the set and announces.....

 

[cruzer]

Inkasnana notices cruzer wispering to layout,then cuzer gives layout his keys and some money,layout peels of while cruzer starts pulling parts of the bigwheel........soon layout returns....he has a welder a set of 14in. wheels and tires,2in. angle iron,sprockets and a chainsaw oh and a roll of ducktape and a tube of airplane glue....sparks and parts are flying and finaly it's done....NOW!! we have a bigwheel. with the chainsaws high rpm engine,the 14in. wheels changing the ratio,and the angle iron reinforcement alls we need is a crash dumby. So cruzer calls doug over and pulls some glue from his pocket.......a few minutes later they have doug ducktaped to the big wheel and he's off....WHOOOOOSH He must be doin 90mph....actualy done this to a go cart in my younger days and it did do 90... A LAWN MOWER ENGINE? COME ON GIRL! GIVE ME SOME CREDIT IF I'M BUILDEN YOU CAN BET ITS GONNA BE LOW AND FAST!!

 

[inkasnana]

Inkasnana just shrugs because she doesn't know the difference between one engine and another. "Sorry about that Cruzer, it was an engine, what do I know? lol" Pointing to Doug as he is about to crash into some trees across the parking lot she says "I hope that he has good insurance!"