Fuel for Thought
Unhappy Camper
A little parody of the great Charlie Daniels' Uneasy Rider
I was haulin’ a load with my Western Star
And you may find this a bit bizarre
If you were in one of those cars
I was toolin’ along about 68
Just tryin’ to deliver my freight
But the left lane was full of campers
I just wanted to pass a slow moving crane
But the cars camped out in the left lane
Wouldn't give up an inch of space
Well the line of cars was never ending
I began to feel my patience bending
So I took the very next exit to cool off
I was lookin' for a place to stop
When I spotted a little Mom an Pop
Kind of a backwoods place called Country Travel Center
The parking lot would only hold a couple of trucks
But I really didn’t give a
I needed a place to cool off
Well I went inside and my temper flared
As I saw the bus unloading all the blue and gray hair
I just knew all the thrones were taken
I decided to go and refill my cup
When I was told to just hold up
By the clerk who was just about to make a fresh pot
I grabbed me a Coke and headed for the clerk
When this gray haired man decided to be a jerk
About my truck takin' up too much space out there
I proceeded to tell him that it was mine
And not to worry that it would be fine
As I was leaving in just a few minutes anyway
Well that wasn’t goin' over to well
As he began to curse me an said somethin' about Hell
That’s when I figured I should head for the door
By now he had rallied his blue haired troops
They came out of the store as an angry group
But their walkers would never catch up with me
I climbed in the truck and it fired right up
I released the brake and dropped my damn cup
But it was time to get out of this gravel parking lot
It is really hard to peel out in a truck
But again I didn’t give a
So I circled around and put a ton of dust in the air
Before I could leave and hit the highway
That dang ol’ bus went and blocked my way
I could see that angry mob slowly approaching
I decide to try and calm the crowd
So I pulled the brake and yelled out loud
Get away from the truck cause she’s about to blow
They all stopped dead in their tracks
And put their hands on their aching backs
Then they stooped over to hear the rest of my tale
I told 'em I was headed down to the coast
That I was supposed to be there to refuel sailboats
None of them even batted an eye
I said this fuel was a special mixture gas
And if it builds up pressure that it will burn your a
That’s when the bus driver started to move his coach
The crowd started looking real scared of the truck
But as they backed away and began to cluck
That old jerk just stared back at me
I could see the wheels turning in the mind of the old jerk
He was beginning to remember how sailboats work
His wrinkled old face just began to turn bright red
He said there ain’t no way he has any fuel
Don’t y’all believe this ol’ lyin’ fool
That’s not even a tanker truck
He started sayin' something about opening the truck
But I felt that I was running outta luck
So I climbed back in the cab to make my escape
By now the bus had cleared my path
I threw it in gear to save my sorry a
And headed straight for the road
Ole Earnhardt woulda sure been proud
Of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd
Raising their canes and a coughin' and wheezin'
An I guess I shoulda gone ahead an' run
But somehow I couldn’t resist the fun
Of leaving them all in another thick cloud of dust
When I hit the road I was really wheelin'
I was jamming gears and had brakes a squealin'
As I was stuck behind that dang ol’ crane again
The left lane was still full of cars
If this keeps up I’ll need to find a bar
Camping in the left lane can drive a man to drink
Just as I was about to blow my top
I look in the mirror and see a cop
And that got some cars to move over
That gave me some room to pass that crane
I hit the gas and changed my lane
And finally got up to speed
I moved back over after I passed
But I did not let off the gas
And I see a Ford catching up with me
I could see movement inside
And when I peered into the ride
I saw a little arm just a pumping away
Well I pulled twice on the horn
And with the big smile I saw he wore
All of my anger just floated away
Y’all may not know how it makes our day
To see a little arm pumping away
And the thrill we also get from pulling that cord
See you down the road,
Greg