My Wife

[arkjarhead]

I usually don't post here, but this is something that I really wanted the ladies attention for . I know we have some top notch, class A ladies on this site, and my wife needs your prayers. I figure you would understand.

My wife is having a lot of lady problems right now, and it's tearing me apart. Mainly because I don't understand how she feels. You know when she has a headache I can understand that and know what to do, but this is way out of my league. We found out recently that I was able to reproduce after being told I couldn't so we got happy. Then she started having these problems. Now she's scared she won't be able to conceive.

To make the problem worse we found out her brother and his wife are expecting. We were happy at first until we found out that after we got our good news her sister in law and aunt placed some kind of bet on who could get pregnant first (between my wife and the sister inlaw). So now my wife is upset about that because she feels like they are making light of her condition. It really made me mad to be quite honest. So now she is upset about her family being inconsiderate and that fact that her body feels bad. I don't knwo what to do.

 

[OntarioVanMan]

From a guys point of view....she needs to feel your love, your support and some BIG hugs and BIG on the hugs, just be there for her.

 

[arkjarhead]

Thanks for the advice OVM. Glad to see you back in action with us.

 

[OntarioVanMan]

This is about your wife....lots of re-assurance and positive vibes...she needs to feel your there for her....good luck!

 

[lisalewis]

You are talking about the story of my life...really. My husband and I married in 1999 and we decided that if "it" happened...it happened. One year, no luck...two years, no luck. After 4 years we went to the Dr...they couldn't find anything wrong. Then it seemed like everyone was getting pregnant...like it was in the water. Friends of mine were getting pregnant that we're trying NOT to...very frustrating. Needless to say after 6 years of trying, and lots of heartbreak month after month we just needed to get away. We got into expediting, got a great dog, and are enjoying each other. In July we will be married 9 years (I'm 27 and my husbands 29) so we still have some time to delve into fertility treatments if we go that far. If your wife ever needs a friendly ear, send me a private message and I'll give you my email and phone number...I want you guys to know that your not alone!

 

[RichM]

Isn't it always amazing that people who want children and would raise and nuture them right have problems. But people that shouldn't have children have absolutely no problems getting pregant and being bummed out parents. Good luck Ark and Lisa,it will eventually work out.

 

[arkjarhead]

I told my wife we never know what God's plan is for our life. I know he knows what he's doing. I told her who knows he may want us to adopt a kid that might otherwise not be able to grow up in a happy and loving home. Or may be planning on us having a litter of our own in due time. Right now she's more concerned with her health than getting pregnant. I told her I was scared if she got pregnant right now with her health the way it is I might lose her and the baby. I joke around alot about my wife being my chauffer, but I'd be lost with that girl. I mean think about Batman would be a noboby without Robyn.

 

[cheri1122]

Ark, the attitude shown in the last 3 sentences of the post above, is what your wife needs to hear. (You do tell her, right?) You can't feel what she feels, but you can make sure she knows how YOU feel, and that's the best you can do for her. (Unless the time comes that she is pregnant - then you have to agree to go fetch weird food day or night, 24/7)
I think you're both young enough to hold off deciding whether to have babies, adopt kids, foster parent - whatever - you've got time yet. Let Mrs AJH get back to 100% first, then talk about your options for a family, eh? And meantime, ignore the stupid family members!

 

[arkjarhead]

We're in no big hurry. We really want to get through school first. You know that way we can provide a more stable enviroment for the child as my mother puts it. It sounds really good so I'm gonna go with it. Plus it makes me sound kinda sophistacated. I think I misspelled it. Oh well. Thanks for the kind words, advice, and encouragement. Oh Cheri, I tell my wife I love her like every 10 minutes. I bet she gets tired of hearing it. That girl has gone through some stuff with me. I remember last year when I was the VA hospital they were under staffed in the ward I was in and my wife said why don't you give him a private room so I can watch him and you can do other things. They saw my wife's books from nursing school and said sure we'll let you watch him. Another time they couldn't get me a private room and this girl stayed the night in the ICU waiting room which was empty so she could be there when visiting hours started in the morning. They did let her shower in the ward. They have a private women's shower. Anyway she's been there for me through it all. I think that's why it tears me up so bad to see her upset and everything.

 

[cheri1122]

Yes, 'sophisticated' is misspelled, and it's bugging me. Not the misspelled word, but that I thought the new format has a spellchecker, and now I can't find it......

 

[Crazynuff]

If you run a search for posts mentioning spell check it seems it is actually from programs being used , note the site . (Firefox2 is one example ). Now that's strange . I misspelled a word in the original message and it didn't get underlined . I noticed it after posting and it was underlined when I brought the message back up to edit .

 

[pelicn]

Ark you're a "good egg". No, you can't feel what your wife is feeling, but it sounds like you are there for her, and that's what counts. A baby will come if it's suppose to. Both of you get healthy and hang in there together.

 

[ConfusedMuse]

If you just tell your wife that you love her that's great, just don't forget all the zillion little ways too.. flowers and chocolate for no reason other that she's your #1, touching, holdings her, laughing with her, listening to her, responding in all the ways that she likes/loves you for, being you, not someone else. The family stuff? Ya know let it go...
had my first when I was 21, 2nd one came nearly 6 years later. Went to a zillion Dr.'s and did a zillion tests, the time just wasn't right. I got to throroughly enjoy both kids at their own level, and the families? They learned that we weren't going to be swayedby their childish behaviour.
Stay in peace, and trust yourselves, and you'll both be fine.

 

[butterfly610]

That's really sad for both of you. One of the hardest things in life for women, I think, is when they want to have a baby but can't for some reason or another. Everywhere you look, babies, everyone you know, getting pregnant or have babies. For some women, there is a void in your life that only a child can fill. She definately needs your love and tenderness in the situation. It sounds like you are understanding and sensitive to her in this matter. Women like a shoulder to cry on, a hug goes a long way. Some men try to act like they aren't sensitive and they're all macho, but women really need that tender side sometimes. I'll definately pray for your situation, and can add you to the prayer list at church. There's strength in numbers. Wish all the best of luck.

 

[arkjarhead]

I appreciate it Butterfly. Things are getting even harder on her because her dad is in bad health. We know he has emphysema, COPD, diabetes and he smokes. Plus he refuses to go to the doctor. Today he was trying to get ready for church and couldn't get dressed because he was to winded. My mother in law wanted to take him to the hospital but he refused. We had lunch today at my wife's aunt's house and I tried to tell my brother in law and my wife that they needed to go talk their dad into going to the hospital. Her brother said he would. Then like five minutes he said he had to get home. His wife didn't even know what the rush was. He just wants to pass the buck to my wife. She is scared of her dad so she isn't going to go confront him about it. I think I'm going to have to. He has a 12 year old daughter and a son that is turning 1 a week from today and a grandchild on the way. He needs to take care of his self. I just might have to make him mad. If it gets him to the doc then it's worth it.

 

[whitechocolet]

Ok, I'll try to keep this short. I know just how your wife feels, you know-been there, done that. Follow the doctor’s advice and if she's not happy with her Ob-Gyn find another. Your love and friendship will mean the world. Don't be upset if she needs space, giving her that can mean a lot too. After 2 eptopic pregnancies resulting in the loss of both tubes our choice was adoption or no family. We have 2 sons, one we brought home from the hospital (it was an open private adoption) and our second son arrived by jet from South Korea at age 3 1/2. After 14 yrs. without children we knew that we had stayed together because we liked each other and not "for the children" and I wouldn’t trade those years for the world. We were young and loved it. Our boys are now 21 and 23 and we are on the road just being best friends again. Believing that everything has a purpose will see you two through.