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In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to...

Once upon a time ~~~~~~~~ in a land far away, ~~~~~~~~ a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess ~~~~~~~~ happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. ~~~~~~~~ The frog hopped into...

On a flight getting ready to depart for New Orleans, Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked. "I've been transferred to New Orleans , there's crazy...

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is...

Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth...

SOME OF YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THAT NEARLY EVERY FAMILY IN AMERICA WAS GROSSLY AFFECTED BY WW II . MOST OF YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE RATIONING OF MEAT, SHOES, GASOLINE, AND SUGAR. NO TIRES FOR OUR AUTOMOBILES, AND A SPEED LIMIT OF 35 MILES AN HOUR ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION, NO NEW...

Two boys in Boston were playing baseball when one of them was attacked by a killer Rottweiler. The dog had already locked his jaws on the boys legs. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off of a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog's collar and twisted it, breaking the dog's neck. A...

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order. The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. "Well...

YOU CANT FIX STUPID These people prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been keen. Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing his head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his...

click here for the 2007 wino sign awards: http://moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/01_07/01_07_wino_signs_1.html

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then...

The simple solution is, find another company to work for. If you want to take your wife with you, and she wants to go, and life is nicer when you´re out there together, I´d find someone else to work for. The company your considering, can´t be that good to work for, if you want to take the...

if this doesn't drive you crazy-- nothing will. Click below: http://hk.promo.yahoo.com/movie/superman/Stop_Press_Game/

Go here: http://jflores.com/jokes/chowmein.htm

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they...

A lady was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, and A 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing...

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido."What about trying Viagra"? asks the doctor. "Not a chance , " she said . "He won't even take an aspirin . " "Not a problem , " replied the doctor . "Give him an "Irish Viagra . " It's when...

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that: the squaw of the...

A very enlightening and startling essay...every American should read this one. A harbinger of things to come? This is pretty scary. As you read it you can see the path our country is on. Hope we can have an awakening. A Warning For America From South Africa By Gemma Meyer (Gemma Meyer is...

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch...