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  1. louixo

    Working the system

    A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that...
  2. louixo

    Some poiticians are in touch with thier constituen

    This guy needs to seek higher office. He´s a city councilman from Midland, TX. City Councilman ejected from studio! T. Bubba Bechtol, part time City Councilman from Midland, TX, was asked on a local live radio talk show the other day just what he thought of the allegations of torture of...
  3. louixo

    Forest fables

    Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says...
  4. louixo

    New versions of old songs

    Some of the artists of the 60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. A new geezer tour is planned for this fall. They include: Herman's Hermits...Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker The Bee Gees......How Can You Mend a Broken Hip Bobby...
  5. louixo

    You can´t argue with the math.

    What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical...
  6. louixo

    Journalistic Truth

    - News Anchor Dan Rather and Peter Jennings, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts and a U.S. Marine were hiking through the desert one day when they were captured by Iraqis. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the leader. The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom...
  7. louixo

    You know your from California if...

    So as not to be outdone by all the Redneck, Hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if: 1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercing's and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying...
  8. louixo

    So you think you know everything??

    A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish...
  9. louixo

    Quickie Funnies

    Here are some quickie funnies. There´s a couple of punny ones for in there for Tom. 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You...
  10. louixo

    Cyber birds and bees

    Daddy, how was I born? DAD SAYS: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother...
  11. louixo

    Sleeping and exhaust fumes

    I heard many years ago that a diesel engine does not emit carbon monoxide, because of it's efficiency. That is the reason you can sleep in your truck and not have to worry. It's the gas engines that are dangerous. I have asked this question of many a mechanic and some say it's true, some say no...
  12. louixo

    Tom...New groaners

    Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." A jumper cable walks into a...
  13. louixo

    Childrens books

    Pulled from the shelves by the yuppie generation. Remeber thos books Mommy or daddy used to read to you when you were little. Then along came Dr. suess, and the Yuppies and rearranged the rules of child rearing. The first thing they did was pull all the books. Here is a list of hard to find...
  14. louixo

    LET ME RE-PHRASE THAT

    I posted a couple of weeks ago, asking about trucking/expediting and trends, and didn´t get the answer to my question. What I was trying to find out, is, for example in expediting, if you´rea single, do you see any specialty areas that are starting to open?(super D units, super B units or...
  15. louixo

    Top 10 signs youknow you joined a redneck HMO

    Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO... 10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape. 9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming. 8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on each pill. 7. Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a...
  16. louixo

    Quotes

    > > > > > "You know "that look" women get when > > > > > they want sex? Me neither." -Steve Martin > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't > > > > > have a good partner, you'd better have a > > > > > good hand." -Woody Allen > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >...
  17. louixo

    The Picture on the Nightstand

    After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling...
  18. louixo

    THANKS FOR CARING

    I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past three or four years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains...
  19. louixo

    Expediting/Trucking Futures

    In my other post I asked for your predictions for 2005, and the answers were about the economy and the stock market. Maybe I wasn´t specific enough. I´d like to hear your predictions for trucking/expediting, with emphasis on the directions the industry is taking. Not the economic side, but the...
  20. louixo

    Predictions for 2005

    I posted this on the General Expediters branch, but would like to hear the input from recruiting side. I know that none of us has the proverbial crystal ball, but I do think we see trends on the horizon, even if we don´t recognize them. I´m taking time off, and when and if I come back out on...
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