nightcreacher
Veteran Expediter
> HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
>
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular "exercise can prolong life; is this true?
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste
> them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
> will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
> your car by driving it faster, Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
> corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
> chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
> And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
> vegetable products.
>
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.. Brandy is distilled wine, that
> means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
> goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
>
> Q: Will sit‑ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
> only be doing sit‑ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> Q Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best
> feel‑good food around!!
>
> Q Is swimming good for your figure?
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
> food and diets.
>
> And remember:
>
> 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
> safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
> sideways ‑ Chardonnay in one hand ‑ chocolate in the other ‑ body thoroughly
> used up, totally worn out and screaming,'W00 HOO, What a Ride!'