>A guide to Atlanta, Georgia (pronunciation is: a-LAN-uh, JOR jah).
>
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>Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
>
>All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree . . ." and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House. . . ."
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>Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Ave., Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, Old Peachtree, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.
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>Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You will never see a native signal at a stop light, to change lanes, or to merge. Never.
>
>Atlanta is home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink . . . unless it's made by Coca Cola. And even then, it's still "Coke."
>Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
>
>Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
>It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost . . . they're just on a "scenic drive."
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>The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2:00 a.m. Saturday.
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>Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody . . . especially those of us who live here.
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>Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh LEE-on")
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>The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.
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>It is always Smog Alert Day.
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>Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.
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>Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
>
>Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence its name. Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of 55 Mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from being run over), is known to
>truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
>
>Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized- SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from the college prep preschool.
>
>The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses, etc., are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies..you will die.
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>
>
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>Y'all come back now, ya here.
>
>
>
>Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
>
>All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree . . ." and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House. . . ."
>
>Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Ave., Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, Old Peachtree, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.
>
>Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You will never see a native signal at a stop light, to change lanes, or to merge. Never.
>
>Atlanta is home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink . . . unless it's made by Coca Cola. And even then, it's still "Coke."
>Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
>
>Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
>It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost . . . they're just on a "scenic drive."
>
>The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 a.m The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2:00 a.m. Saturday.
>
>Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody . . . especially those of us who live here.
>
>Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh LEE-on")
>
>The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.
>
>It is always Smog Alert Day.
>
>Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.
>
>Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
>
>Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence its name. Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of 55 Mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from being run over), is known to
>truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
>
>Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized- SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from the college prep preschool.
>
>The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses, etc., are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies..you will die.
>
>
>
>
>Y'all come back now, ya here.
>