As The DougTravels - A Soap Opera

[highway star]

Wellarmed grabs him by the shirt with both hands and pulls him into the truck. "We're on to your scam, douche bag. You mess with Doug, you mess with all of us." Wellarmed suddenly stops, realizing he smells something. The guy crapped himself. Wellarmed starts laughing and gets on the CB to tell the others.

(Roll credits on today's episode. Theme music plays, Muzak version of Jethro Tull's "Fat Man".)

 

[DougTravels]

Then an announcers deep voice begins:

You have been watching As The DougTravels brought to you by, poozzywhip the desert topping for cats. We know your little kitty loves coolwhip, but does coolwhip have 10 essential vitamins a kitty needs? The next time the wife sends you to the store, think poozzywhip. Tune in tomorrow where we hear Well armed say "Where's Doug you smelly azz vagrant, is he being held by FUDD, talk you.......

 

[inkasnana]

The really cheezy music plays and a very deep voice comes on and says, "Just like the days of your life, so are As The DougTravels."

Scene opens with: Inkasnana standing in line at the checkout at Wallyworld with a cart full of supplies for the Easter cookout in the parking lot of the Flying J. She sees mypie walk by and calls her over. "Hiya! are you coming to the cookout Sunday?" she asks mypie, "and have you heard the news? Cruzer has been brought back from purgatory!"

mypie, looking a little surprised, says..

 

[mypie]

"Yeah, I'll be there. Is there anything you need me to bring?" She takes a breathe, "Hell, yeah, I heard about Cruzer's near death experience. Actually, I had a lot to do with it. I had some magic in my little bag to bring him back from purgatory. I figured he would have learned after the first film, not to mess with me. Guess, he's mad at me now cause I had an ambulance pick him up just to make sure everything was functioning properly. He doesn't even know that I locked him in a padded cell with 10 scantilly clad fuel attendants who were playing Marco Polo with him. You would have thought that he would have liked that. He's been trying to get a love scene with those girls since Episode I."

Mypie looks over at Inkansana and asks, "So, have you seen Cruzer lately? Inkansana replys, ". . .

 

[inkasnana]

"Actually no, I haven't, but the dr. from the hospital called and said that some guy armed with guns and another with an attitude came and kidnapped him. The dr said he had gone to the cell to check on Cruzer and found the fuel attendants splashing around in the hot tub yelling 'Polo' and Cruzer was gone."

Inkasnana shook her head as she paid for the groceries. "Hmmmm.. a guy with an attitude. I'm thinking that could only be one person. It has to be highway star and the other guy must have been Wellarmed. What are they up to now?"

Scene changes to Wellarmed's truck: Laughing wildly, Wellarmed says over the CB...

 

[highway star]

..."hey guys, these Fudds are nothing but a bunch of girlie-men. He's already given up the rest of the gang. He told me where Doug is and where their headquarters is. Let's go get 'em!" Wellarmed throws the Fudd out of the truck and heads out to save Doug. They find Doug wandering around disoriented, which at first, seemed normal for Doug. But, they were too late.

"It was awful," said Doug. "They took everything, my wallet, the money I had hidden in my truck..., they, they... they even took the marshmallow peeps I had for Easter!!" With that, Doug began sobbing uncontrollably.

Anger filled Wellarmed's eyes. "Those *******s! Come on guys, get him in the truck and lets go to Fudd headquarters and show them who's boss!!"

 

[mypie]

Cheezy muzak . . . "We will continue this episode of As The Doug Travels after a word from our sponsors."

Then the camera cuts back to Inkansana and Mypie parting ways at the grocery store. "Well I'll see you back at the J for the lift gate Easter Party. Please don't park next to the lawn where no man dare trespass, and where you will find the chocolate doggy Easter eggs for the annual Easter egg hunt on the white truck lawn." Just the Inky's cellphone rings and they wave goodbye . . .

The scene opens with the orderlies, security officers and doctors at the hospital chasing the scantilly clad fuel attendants around the hospital as they're calling, "Polo, Polo, Polo," and waiting for a reply from their beloved Cruzer. The doctor then calls Inky again, "Inky, we just got our test results bank. Cruzer has been suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and he must be returned to the hospital for treatment. There is no telling what he could do if he snaps . . ."

Enter the scene, DougTravels . . .

 

[DougTravels]

,Wellarmed, Highway Star, and Cruzer riding in Wellarmeds truck enroute to the Fudds Hideout. This fearless foursome are closing in on the Fudds, when all of a sudden they see the Hideout and Dougs Truck. Wellarmed skids to a stop and........