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  1. louixo

    Who kne this?

    I have been driving for years... I would think I should have noticed the little secret on my dashboard that was staring me in the face the whole time...I didn't...and I bet you didn't either... Have you ever rented or borrowed a car and when arriving at the gas station wondered...mmm, which...
  2. louixo

    Presedential Test

    Take the test and see who gets knocked off the see saw. ABC News: Match-o-Matic 2
  3. louixo

    Mosquito Spray

    Written by an anonymous housewife: I was was at a deck party and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever...
  4. louixo

    The LARK Program

    A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay . She received back the following reply: The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. 20016 Dear Concerned Citizen...
  5. louixo

    The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?'...
  6. louixo

    How it`s done

    Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House; one from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works...
  7. louixo

    Dying Don

    An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls for his grandson to approach the bed; 'Lissin a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plated 38-caliber revolver so you will always remember me.' The grandson smiles weakly and replies; 'But grandpa, I really donna lika guns. Howzabout...
  8. louixo

    How I`m voting

    I'm voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would. I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it. I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad...
  9. louixo

    Ever wonder why?

    When a woman wears a leather dress, A man's heart beats quicker, And his throat gets dry, He goes weak in the knees, And he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? It’s because she smells like a new truck.
  10. louixo

    Never Never Never

    Go to a baked bean dinner before putting on your wet suit.
  11. louixo

    Insight

    The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary. My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees...
  12. louixo

    Letter from a Cuban

    Dear Editor, Times-Dispatch: 'Each year I get to celebrate Independence Day twice. On June 30 I celebrate my independence day, and on July 4 I celebrate America 's. This year is special, because it marks the 40th anniversary of my independence. 'On June 30, 1968, I escaped Communist...
  13. louixo

    Want more change?

    George Bush has been in office for 7 1/2 years. The first six the economy was fine. A little over one year ago: 1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high; 2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon; 3) the unemployment rate was 4.5%. 4) the DOW...
  14. louixo

    Executive Summary

    EXECUTIVE SUMMARY I know that some of you don't like to read long drawn out missives... so here's the executive summary......... Congress Military John McCain 26 Years 22 years Barrack...
  15. louixo

    A message from the queen

    To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence...
  16. louixo

    Indian Mating Call

    Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off...
  17. louixo

    Defining the contract

    An elderly couple in there eighties, who were both widowed, had been going out with each for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might...
  18. louixo

    For gun owners

    If guns kill people then.... Pencils mis spel words Cars make people drive drunk Spoons made Rsie O`Donnell fat A Gun in the House The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more...
  19. louixo

    Nonpartisan thinking

    A president's pension currently is $191,300 per year. Assuming the next president lives to age 80. Sen McCain would receive ZERO pension as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president. Sen Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms and would receive $4,973,800 in pension...
  20. louixo

    Driving and diabetes

    If you don`t know about diabetes, there are two types Type 1 and Type 2. Type 1 needs to be controlled by insulin injections. Type 2 can be controlled with pills and diet. However you can elect, or a doctor can prescribe insulin for a Type 2 diabetic to regulate blood sugar. You can also...
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