This was too good not to pass on to my expediting friends. When you think about it, there are patterns in the capitalists pursuit of the pot of gold.
Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
Enron Venture Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap
with an associated general offer
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder
who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The
annual report says the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more. The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once
a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
Enron Venture Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap
with an associated general offer
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder
who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The
annual report says the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more. The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once
a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...