Freightdawg
Expert Expediter
From The Manitoba Herald
by Clive Runnels
Canadians: “Build a **** Fence!"
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are
prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be
required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields
at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken.
When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show
him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that
blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush
annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive
them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves."
A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single
bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley
Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como
and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become
very suspicious about their age" an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael
Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just can't support them." an Ottawa resident said. "How many
art-history majors does one country need?"
by Clive Runnels
Canadians: “Build a **** Fence!"
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are
prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be
required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields
at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken.
When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show
him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that
blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush
annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive
them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves."
A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single
bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley
Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como
and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become
very suspicious about their age" an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael
Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just can't support them." an Ottawa resident said. "How many
art-history majors does one country need?"