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Recently an elderly Italian man, who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father ... during World War II, a beautiful young woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her...

(S)he will say anything you type. When you move the mouse around, her eyes follow the pointer. When you type something in the left space and then click on "Say it," (s)he will say it! You can also change persons doing the talking and the language they speak...

I had a cell phone, but it wasn´t national coverage,and I would lose the signal in alot of places, and it was still top of the line way back when. Also had a beeper. Had the beeper, before there were cell phones. No qualcom, instead it was constant look for a phone. The big change I think in...

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to...

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had Important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven hesaid, Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"...

What percentage of night driving do you do? Please specify single or team. I´m now taking some extended time off, and don´t know when or if I´ll come back to the road. Time to look at other options. During my long trucking career, I drove TT , and after those years, also expeditied in a D...

A guy goes to the US Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?" "Yes," he says. "I was in the army for three years." The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment," and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy...

ABOUT THIS LONG--------------------------! LOUIXO D UNIT SEMI RETIRED AT THE MOMENT

Let's say I break into your house: A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!!! It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV. Her point: Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country...

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to...

Ephraim joined the army, and was shipped overseas. His redneck mom wrote him this letter. Dear Eph, I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your...

A Japanese company (Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River . Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and...

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Thou shalt not utter four letter words when mentioning Canada, New york city, or thy dispatcher, and thou shalt not mutter obcenities under thy breath when asked to abide thy time in the outside corridor interminably, when remitting thy documents to thy appointed customs broker, and or border...

Thou shalt not falsify thy log book,nor fudge thy bill of lading, and above all thou shalt not get caught!

The Style Invitational is another annual contest that asks people to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter,and only one, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners: 1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that...

This is an annual contest where people are asked to supply alternate definitions to commmon words. This years winners ARE: 1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever...

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy! He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the...

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. ***************************************** A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into...

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is the difference between a Harley rider and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts...