My Alabama trip

greg334

Veteran Expediter
I haven't had the patients to write about this until now. This is a true story, I mean it happened pretty much as I describe it.

Just image you are in a movie, with Forest Gump and Bubba. Forest and Bubba are guards at a steel mill.

The scene is a rainy dark and very cold night in mid Alabama.

The location is a run down but productive steel mill on the out skirts of a small Alabama town.

The time is 11:30 PM.

Fade in –

Looking inside a guard shack at the truck entrance of the steel mill. The windows are open in the guard shack, with the wind cutting through; both guards are dress as if they are going to Miami Beach.

Pulling up to the guard shack is a white FedEx Van with a single driver on a mission to deliver essential parts for the mill. Production has stopped until those parts arrive.

The guard shack is occupied by two guards, one a hicky looking man in his early 20’s and a female guard who looks like she would rather be home at the trailer with the 6 kids, two dogs and the drunk guy she lives with.

The male guard is sitting at the desk facing the door and the female guard is sitting at the desk in the far corner of the shack with her back to the door.

As the guard peers out the window, the wind has picked up a lot and now blowing papers around the guard shack. He sees the van pull up and stands there for a moment.

The driver sees the guard sit down and decides to go into the shack.

Cut to interior guard shack -

Driver – “good evening, I have a delivery for acme steel from acme novelties.â€

Guard #1 “yep, you’re from FedEx?â€

Driver – “yes I am from FedEx; I have a delivery here for from acme novelties in Memphis Tennessee. I understand that I am carrying parts for the plant that is shut down and I need to deliver them as soon as possible.â€

Guard #1 – “ok, I got that, but you’re from FedEx. <long pause> don’t you bring stuff here in a big truck with fancy lettering on the side durin the day?â€

Driver – “yes FedEx may do that but I am part of another group who does special deliveries for special customers.â€

Guard#1 – “special deliveries <long pause> Oh I see this is a special delivery, must be important.â€

Guard #2 – mumbling to herself “I heard that someone in town got a special delivery, I think it was from Sears for their washer,â€

Driver – “yes it is important. I am told that I am to have the guard contact Mr. Robert Roberts when I arrive.â€

Guard #1 – “I ain’t ever heard of him before, must be new. <pause> well ain’t that odd, he has two first names and one is used as his last name, Robert and Roberts. <pause> Hey Charlene, he has two first names and one is used as his last name, can you believe that?â€

Guard #2 – As she is writing, she answers in a distracted voice, “I heard of a girl who was named Lindy Lindy, but her real first name was Linda.â€

Guard #1 – ‘hey that’s funny…. Lindy Lindy that <paused with puzzled look on his face>â€

Driver – interrupting “rhymesâ€

Guard #1 – “yea that what I mean, it rhymes.â€

Guard #2 – “yep that rhymes <pause> L I N D Y Lindy <pause> rhymes.â€

Driver – “so you never heard of Robert Roberts?â€

Guard #1 – “can’t say that I have but with a name like that I wonder if he got picked on as a kid?’

Driver – “I wouldn’t know, I never met him so I would say that you can’t call himâ€

Guard #1 – “yep I can’t call him. <long pause> I think that I know where you can go to deliver your special delivery:

Driver – “ok <pause> tell me where I need to go?â€

Guard #1 – “I guess you need to go to receiving.â€

Driver – “can you tell me where that is?â€

Guard #1 – “yep I canâ€

Driver – after a long pause “ok, where is it?â€

Guard #1 – As he is looking out the window at the van “it is around the cornerâ€

Driver – “you mean go down here <pointing toward the end of the guard shack> and it is around the corner at the end of this road?â€

Guard #1 – intensely looking at the front of the van, he stands up and leans over the desk “you know that you have something stuck to the front of your van?â€

Driver – also looking at the van, trying to figure out what he s talking about and discovers that it is the remainder of a piece of cardboard that he put there to close off the radiator for heat. “yes I know, I put it there. It is to get heat in the truck in the cold weatherâ€

Guard #1 – mesmerized by the tattered pieces of cardboard “now you are telling me that you put that there, why would you want to do that? <pause> Hey Charlene, he’s got cardboard stuck to the front of his van.

Guard #2 – not looking up “hes got what?â€

Guard #1 – ‘he’s got cardboard stuck to the front of his van and he says he put it thereâ€

Guard #2 – gets up and looks out the window “now why would anyone stick cardboard on the front of their van? I think that’s stupidâ€

Guard #1 – “he says it is to get heat but we all know that the heater is forâ€

Guard #2 – as she is sitting back down “yea anyone with a lick of sense would turn on the heaterâ€

Driver – “I guess you all don’t believe in heat here with the windows open? <pause> Anyway, can you tell me where I need to go?â€

Guard #1 - “yea go down the road and go left. It is the big green building that has a door on itâ€

Driver – “ok go down the road, turn left and big green building with door on it. Right? Oh how many green buildings are there?â€

Guard #1 – “well they are all green, this one says receiving on itâ€

Guard #2 – “there is a sign on the building near the road.â€

Driver – “ok, thanksâ€

Guard #1 – “but I think that there is no one there. <pause> Hey Charlene when do they leave for the day?â€

Guard #2 – I think they left at 5 but I heard someone say that they may work till 6.â€

Driver – “can you call receiving?â€

Guard #1 – yep, I can but I don’t think anyone will answer because they are at homeâ€

Driver – as he watches the guard dial the number “ok if they are not there, is there a manager that you can call?â€

Guard #1 – “I don’t know who that would be <hangs up the phone and has a blank look on his face> why would you want to call a manager?â€

Driver – “they now what to do?â€

Guard #2 – “you know that is a good ideaâ€

Guard #1 – “well do you know who a manager is? I don’t?â€

Driver – “ok I am going to go down to receiving, I will find someoneâ€

As the driver leaves the guard shack, the male guard says “don’t forget you have something stuck to the front of you vanâ€

Fade out-

I am not saying that people from Alabama are like forest, had a girlfriend who was from Mobile and she ended up with a Phd from U of M but this was forest and bubba protecting this mill.
 

cheri1122

Veteran Expediter
Driver
Greg, now there is one subject on which you & TallCall can agree 100%! See, there's hope for the whole world, when you two can commiserate on something....Thanks for the laughs - though I'm wondering if you found it amusing at the time?
PS I bet lots of drivers have a 'dumb security bozo' story that wasn't funny at the time - or was it?
 

terryandrene

Veteran Expediter
Safety & Compliance
US Coast Guard
Nice story, Greg, but if you were cold, why didn't you just turn on the heater...that's what it for
 

Lawrence

Founder
Staff member
Oh man that is too funny! I needed that laugh today.

Lawrence,
Expediters Online.com

Music soothes the savage beast - unless it's polka.


Going to church makes you a Christian about as much as standing in the garage makes you a car

You can build a man a fire and keep him warm for a day or you can set a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life.


ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfuseen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights




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Moot

Veteran Expediter
Owner/Operator
Great story Greg. Thanks for the laugh. But I'm with Charlene, why would anyone put cardboard across their grill in Alabama? Unless of course it was their Weber grill and they wanted that smokey flavor that only comes from corragated fiberboard. How cold was it? Winterfront in Alabama? I don't know about you southerners.
 

mcbride

Veteran Expediter
Charter Member
Hmm...Alabama....would that be a red state? Ah...yes, I think it would be...lmao

Great story Greg...

-mcbride-
--What goes around comes around--
 
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