TryHoursRcrtr
Expert Expediter
Read yours Lawrence, just had to share this one
IF DOGS SENT LETTERS TO GOD...
Dear God: Why do humans smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the Jaguar, the Cougar, the
Mustang, the Colt, the Stingray, and the Rabbit, but not ONE named for a
dog? How often do you see a Cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the `Chrysler Eagle' the `Chrysler
Beagle'?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to
get in?
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?
Dear God: In Heaven, will I still have to take the blame for people's
farts?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good dog:
1. I will not eat cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it
up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although
they are tasty, they are not food.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officers hand when he reaches in for mom's
Drivers License and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying `hello.'
11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm laying under
the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across
the carpet.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living-room and lick my crotch
when company is over.
16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
Dear God: May I have my family jewels back?
Yours Truly,
Rover
IF DOGS SENT LETTERS TO GOD...
Dear God: Why do humans smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the Jaguar, the Cougar, the
Mustang, the Colt, the Stingray, and the Rabbit, but not ONE named for a
dog? How often do you see a Cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the `Chrysler Eagle' the `Chrysler
Beagle'?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to
get in?
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?
Dear God: In Heaven, will I still have to take the blame for people's
farts?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good dog:
1. I will not eat cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it
up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although
they are tasty, they are not food.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officers hand when he reaches in for mom's
Drivers License and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying `hello.'
11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm laying under
the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across
the carpet.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living-room and lick my crotch
when company is over.
16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
Dear God: May I have my family jewels back?
Yours Truly,
Rover