With the administration that's in office now..."EVERYONE IS GOING BROKE".
How true! And the only way to get this administration's attention is with a national truck strike. And what better date than April 1st! We have but a few days to get prepared. We need John Q. Public on our side. I would suggest that everyone adopt the "Buddy System." Get a buddy and drive the minimum speed limit side by side down the interstate. At first this may upset Mr. John Q. But once he realizes how much gas we are saving him by slowing him down, he will be grateful. And so will Mr.s Q and all the little Qs.
We also need a common unifying symbol or icon. I'm thinking a tire with wings. Just like the old Ohio Sate Highway Patrol emblem. Trucks have tires and angels have wings. I have a tattoo of a tire with wings on my upper arm to honor my deceased friend and co-worker Jack. Some of you may have read about Jack's unfortunate death while practicing the "blown steer tire drill." See "that takes the cake post."
On March 31st we need every trucker to sever their crossover lines, spilling forth fuel. Just like farmers dumping milk to protest low prices. Except we will be doing it to protest high fuel prices. Large quantities of spilled liquids make for great video segments on the t.v. news. Large quantities of burning liquids makes for even better news spots.
Within hours of the strike, President Bush will be forced to call his oil cronies in Texas. His message will be blunt. He will inform them that the American people are fed up with big oil, greed and outrageous profits. He will force them to lower the price of oil. With Texas Sweet Crude selling for $50/barrel, who in their right mind would pay Canada or some Mideast country $110/barrel. They will have to lower their prices to stay competitive.
With all of the trucks parked, west coast container ports will become as clogged up as a truck stop toilet. Ships ladened with Chinese crap will be turned away. With no outlet for their products, the Chinese economy will fail and factories will close. Take that you little yellow commie capitalists. You can't have it both ways! Just ask Boris. Closed factories will free up millions of third world children to resume a life of eating bugs, sniffing glue or whatever it was they did before they had a job.
With no Chinese imports Wal-Mart will be forced into bankruptcy. All Wal-Mart stores will close and millions will be laid off. President Bush will call off the federal investigation of Swift Transportation and its affiliate truck driving schools. Congress will give Swift a $1.2 billion grant to open truck driving schools across the nation and offer free training to all displaced Wal-Mart workers. Swift will be so impressed with the loyalty and work ethic of their new "associates" that not only will they be allowed to wear their little blue vests, it will become part of the company uniform for all Swift drivers. The little yellow smiley emblem will be replaced by a tire with wings.
With this new source of truck drivers Swift will invade Mexico, forcing Mexican trucking companies out of business. Take that you sunburned drug peddlers. Swift will also turn its sights to the north. That should wipe the frozen smiles off the faces of those frost bit hosers in Canada.
With China's economy in tatters their thirst for oil will be greatly diminished. Thus a world wide oil glut and a further reduction in the price of crude.
We can make this all reality. Please participate. In a poll conducted by
OVERDIVE MAGAZINE; billed as "the vice of the American Trucker" - 112% of the truckers polled said they would shut down on April 1st.
I can hardly wait
for APRIL FOOL'S DAY
two thousand eight
