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Murphy's Law Updates


Veteran Expediter
Charter Member
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.

Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

Law of Television- If you really, really like a new show, the network will cancel it.


Veteran Expediter
OMG you're back! You've been gone like forever!!
Don't do it again, ok? We missed you, because you find the best funnies, and we need to laugh. So here's one for you:
Maritime radio conversation recorded off the Irish coast near Kerry, in October, 1998:

Irish: Please divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision.

British: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees north to avoid a collision.

Irish: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid collision.

British: This is a Captain of the British Navy - YOU divert course to avoid collision!

Irish: Negative. I say again: divert your course 15 degrees south.

British: This is the aircraft carrier HMS Britannia, the second largest ship in the British Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruises, and numerous support vessels. I demand you change course. I say again: that is 15 degrees north, or countermeasures will be taken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Irish: This is a lighthouse - your call.


Veteran Expediter
I had a Murphys law calander and I think it was July or August that was the garrgge law.

Juts when you finnish cleaning the garrage your wife hits every garrage sale in the county.

Bob Wolf


Rookie Expediter
Update to Supermarket Law: As soon as you pick a line in a supermarket the customer immediately in front of you will become an extreme couponer with three hundred ad matches and two bratty kids :p

Doggie Daddy

Veteran Expediter
Fuel island law : The line you pick will be the one with the driver taking his 30 min break or a shower or getting lunch at the inside fast food place.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using EO Forums mobile app


Rookie Expediter
Fuel island law : The line you pick will be the one with the driver taking his 30 min break or a shower or getting lunch at the inside fast food place.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using EO Forums mobile app
When hubby and I were driving for FedEx Ground, we used to quote Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade whenever we pulled into the fuel island, either "He chose...poorly" or, "He chose...wisely" based on how fast we got to the pump.

I know...easily amused

Hey, you take your fun where you find it on the road!