Sign up for The Wire Newsletter!



Veteran Expediter
Charter Member
Washington, DC - President Barack Obama and the Democrat
controlled Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide
new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act.
AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the
millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence
and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand
by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With
this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special
favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of
what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader
Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success
of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of
non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the
airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At
the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25
million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding
titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense
of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability
into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every
two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with
people who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost
her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due
to her inability to remember 'rightey tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new
law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens
will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no
abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy
ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty
as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of
his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great
nation and a good salary for doing so.'


Seasoned Expediter
Finally something is going to be done for me and people like me.
Now that is change I can believe in.