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PEOPLE ASK WHY? Why I Carry a Gun My old grandpa said to me son,' there comes a time in every man's life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an as* whoopin' I don't carry a gun to kill people. I carry a gun to...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one...

& Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. & Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. & Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly...

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will please find my 2008 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper; dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per...

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well... I can clearly see your nuts."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPG6mgcwp40

New Direction for the war on terrorists. "Send Prior Service Vets over 60 " I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.) They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to...

Moot ask me to write some new jingles, so in my sleep depraved state on a run to Salt lake city, I jotted these down in my head. Ode to Phil To the tune of The beverly hillbillies. Come and listen to my story bout a man named Phil Built him a truck so they’ed have a place to live Spent a lot...

So how smart are you?? Try this test to find out!! http://www.pibmug.com/files/map_test.swf Danny

Pregnancy Question A young woman from Alabama, pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you if it's OK if...," to which the doctor replies, "I know, I know," placing a reassuring hand on her...

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I...

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincent, I am feeling...

The Birth of a Tradition: One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the...

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - BROOKLYN VERSION 'Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mellow, Not a creature was stirrin', I had a gun unda my pillow. When up on da roof' I heard somethin' pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO! Keep it down!" When what to my...

Why Santa should consider using Expediters…. Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons. Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton s sleigh: 214,206 -- plus Rudolph. To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6...