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elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, So he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, And some apple, and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the...

Sam was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day Sam came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that Sam claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that...

as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house-mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. Youare hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts...

applied for a fork lift operator job at a famous firm based in Detroit . A white man applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager. When the results were in, both men...

O.M.G., I'm rich! Silver in the Hair Gold in the Teeth Crystals in the Kidneys Sugar in the Blood Lead in the *** Iron in the Arteries And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas. I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports: All we need to do is develop a booth that you can step into that will not x-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have hidden on or in your body. The explosion will be contained within the...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm...

DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THESE: Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their...

A very rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing...

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned...

67 years ago on this date in a town called Akron ,in the state of Ohio I was born.Mother Shirlee,father Sidney,of which have both passed away.I have a brother Don,sisters Marilyn and Dee. Happy Birthday to me,this is just another day in the life of a truck driver,free desert at the TA

A Jewish woman says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Allen! All he wants is sex, and my vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be about the size of a nickel." Her mother says, "You're married to Allen, a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom...

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer...

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he...

Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the Star Spangled Banner, Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old Farts...

> A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding > anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. > Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. > > She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being > loving to each other for...

____ The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S AZZ OUT FRONT The Bishop was so upset with this kind ofpublicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter...

In 1936, Morris Rabinowitz fled his nativeGermany . He sold his assets and made five sets of solid gold teeth with his cash, above the limit he could bring into the U.S. When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have five sets of gold teeth. So...

: We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the back yard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to...

was dumb .