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Subject: FW: First Jewish Woman President The year is 2016 and the United States has elected a woman, Susan Goldfarb, as the first Jewish president. She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?' 'I don't think so...

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport. You'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and, if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy.

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next...

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of...

A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took It to the clerk to ask what it was.. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's...

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. 'I'm too young to die,' she wails. Then she...

One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on...

The Mrs. was watching a cooking show the other day. I said, "What are you watching that for? You can't cook." She said, "You watch porn."

dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you...

This probably is the wrong spot for this,but if you decide to get rid of your co-driver,have second thoughts,or if he is about to quit,do all you can do to stop him from leaving. For three weeks now,I've been trying to get a co-driver.I have ads every where,even talked with local truck driving...

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut andStormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to...

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Rob’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site...

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat, in Lake Miona, fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm gonna divorce Linda Sue - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months." Earl spits, sips his beer and says, "Better think it over... women like...

American Association for Retired People Questions and Answers from AARP Forum Q:Where can menover the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them? A:Try a bookstore, under fiction. Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause...

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie...

> > Arthur is 90 years old. > > > > > > He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. > > One day he arrives home looking downcast. > > > > "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight > > has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."...

2011 GM Car

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness And kindness. One afternoon, the pastor Came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she...

A successful Rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was avery good-looking woman anddetermined to keep the Ranch, but knew verylittle about Ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper, for a Ranch-Hand. Two Cowboys applied for the...