[louixo]

As of April 15, 2004 all alcholic beverages sold in The United States will be required to have the following warning labels conspicuosly printed on the container. This will include all advertising of alcoholic beberages also. The warning labels are as follows:
WARNING: consumption of alchohol may lead you to think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an a--hole.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to tie your mouth shut.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ..

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time seem to literally disappear.